Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
