omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
