When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Actions speak louder than pants.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
