i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
