I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
