she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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