I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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