first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Can I color on your dick again?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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