She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
