its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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