you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
