I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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