What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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