I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
