I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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