dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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