Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
