he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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