She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
