so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
