Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
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