you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
