Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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