Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
