She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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