why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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