Duck Duck Cougar?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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