this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
