he puts the penis in happiness.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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