great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
