just come out here and I will go home with you...
I faked an abortion last night.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
