i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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