I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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