come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
