I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize