allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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