so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
