dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
