Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
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Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
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It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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