So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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