I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
