Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Is it penis luge time yet?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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