The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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