I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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