I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
