At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
