Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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