literally had 100 drinks last night.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
