Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
