It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
