I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
