I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
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Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
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You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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