just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
