im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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