Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
