i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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