she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
