if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
