Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
