We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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