I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
